Orifice

Good evening officer

Please, why are you here ?

Is it as it may you are appointed

By an anonymous decree.

Do my neighbours have a problem

Or are they sad

That they lack the fortitude

And the guts to object.

I suffer compassion for those who fear

So many principals

They hold dear

Entrails overcome by tears.

Let those alone who suffer

Placate their heart

There are many more who strive

To shed the shackles that circle their heart.

Cord

The mirror on my door as a wall
Has slipped to half my height.

I need to crouch to see
What mother nature left me
A knot from my umbilical cord.

The stage has been set
I can only play me.
There is no need to observe
My audience is free
To judge and dissect my internal.

At a place and time of my decision
I have no right to be here
Only by divine intervention
Do I proclaim my insanity
Place me in a box and I will finally be free.

Cucumber

I have two cucumbers here

And an electric toothbrush that I fear.

I have an erection under way

Costing me over a thousand dollars a day.

I have an obsession with making decisions

That may make it easy for me

To lubricate my way

In my search for you.

I have a field of monuments

Erected daily to fuel my greed

Wet and greasy nights dealing the blues

Endless nightmares dreaming of you.

I have an arrangement of tools

Endlessly charged to help make you happy

Just take a walk to my counter

Swaying your hips but just make it snappy.

I know a party of fools

Who drool over young girls in schools

But this is not how I think of you

My love for you is hard statuesque and true.

Economy Shopping

It seems better to operate my time
With two beers on the go rather than one.

Spending my time lubricating egos

Rather than my own.

Oh I know so that I want to be home
Juicing my ego all alone.

Sometimes I wonder and I atone
Many things bother me about what I should have known.

So many questions so many tones
And so many shades of colours of things I don't know.

About so many things I could have left alone.
But I economise and shop on my own.

Racing through the aisles of my life
And my memories that are
So much a part of me
Traipsing the aisles of a deserted Aldi.

Pet Peevs - Part 2.

Hi. Today's thing that really peevs me off.

Or....Things that push my Brownie the wrong way - Part 2

There seems to be an element of suspicious Crowd Sourcing or maybe call it Crowd Flashing in Middle Eastern European countries - I call it the Sand Belt.

Why oh why does the Western Media insist on depicting the grief felt by inhabitants of the Sand Belt ( that is all those countries between Turkey and India ) by filming "grab-bites" of emotionally stricken elderly or middle aged women who have suddenly become childless due to some unexpected missile or random bomb attack.

This Religious War has been operating for thousands of years in that area.
Please explain to me why there are no trees, no visible street, pavement or any signs of an emerging civilized urban structure.
Please convince me that these people are not living in a desert that once supported a thriving ancient civilization that dominated half of the known world because they and other greedy Western pseudo Democracy's wanted to rape the geography of the land in the pursuit of oil money.

You need only study the efforts of the British Empire to conquer and divide the Sand Belt ( with the help of Lawrence of Arabia and the Turkish Government ) in the early 1900's to realise that it was all an attempt to legitimize the interests of British Petroleum, still known today as BP.

But enough of my history lecture - I have rambled on to illustrate my point.

I'm fully done with seeing grieving scarf clad women in tears and men dressed in white sheets and billowing pantaloons splattered with blood. I'm bored with seeing the remains of mutilated innocents worshiped as idols whilst being lifted with wooden poles into retro makeshift ambulances.

Give me the real movie. The one that ridicules the Sand Belt governments as Poverty Merchants who prostitute their populace as ignorant peasants. The documentary that depicts the Sand Belt as trying to support a civilization that is not very civilized and one that insists on continuing a war based on religious division that is slowly but determinedly infecting the rest of the world with its fucked up ideologies.

Goodbye.

Pet Peevs - Part 1.

Today's list of things that peev me off :

1 - "trends are moving forwards".......well, duh, that's what a trend is. It's an increasing occurrence.

2 - "down the track".......how about 'up the track' or 'no track', or how about 'up shit creek in a barb wire canoe'. Maybe, 'in the future' might suffice ?

3 - Why is it that mankind can land 12 people who walked on the moon in 3 years since 1969 and yet I still can't make a reliable mobile phone call between Heallesville and Belgrave, or Croydon and Rosebud. Is technology going backwards ?

4 - The amount of money spent by the US on Iraq / Iran wars since 2001 = One Trillion Dollars = If you spent $1 million a day since Jesus was born, you would have not spent $1 trillion by now. No wonder the world and especially the US is in a financial depression.......and meanwhile there are still starving, uneducated, homeless people the world over !

5 - People suffering the floods in Northern NSW are having to wait eight working days for the Insurance Assessors to attend. What ? are they traveling by friggin' horse ? 8 working days really means a fortnight, what? How come the Stock Exchange operates 7 days a week, isn't that working ? And isn't Sunday a Thursday somewhere else in the world ?

6 - 100 kmh speed signs. That is actually 62 mph old school, not very fast at all. A horse trots at around 9 mph and a person walks at about 3 mph. If speed limits continue to be lowered we might as well all learn to crawl - and get booked for it !

7 - What is the fascination with watching bicycle racing on tv ? Is it for the rippling bodies under shiny lycra or is it for the view of those shiny man-bums. No, it's really for the thrill of waiting for a spill and seeing all that shiny plastic melt into their skin as they hit the bitumen. Silly fuckers. And have they never heard heard of the increased risk of genital cancer and lower sperm counts as a result of a bound and heated up pocket rocket package ?

8 - What are bicyclists doing on roads anyway ? It's only a result of legislation banning them from footpaths because they were a danger to pedestrians. But now they're a friggin' danger to other motorists. And they pay no registration, have their own shiny-bum bike lanes and don't obey the road rules !

9 - "transparency',,,,,actually means that you can see right through it all the way. to the bullshit. So how does that make it any better than real bullshit ?

10 - "yes /no"..........actually techno-speak for "yes I agree with you but I can't wait for you to shut up so that I can have my say".

..............and that's only today !

Dog Tired

“My dog doesn't understand curtains

of which that much he is certain

to do much in a circle

when he beds down

pawing at a circle

when he spreads his friendship around

My dog thinks he is humane

but he will dead a fucked wall

in his name

as a totem is stationary

but not in a context he can right

as long as he has enough support

to carry on through the night.

My dog is an animal

it's a thing of which I have a handle

on a spatula to flip a sample

of a flying duck of how much I care

I wish you had of been there

to say goodbye on a flying fuck.”

-----------------

'I' for indecision.

“My dog doesn't understand curtains

of which that much he is certain

to do much in a circle

when he beds down

pawing at a circle

when he spreads his friendship around

My dog thinks he is humane

but he will dead a fucked wall

in his name

as a totem is stationary

but not in a context he can right

as long as he has enough support

to carry on through the night.

My dog is an animal

it's a thing of which I have a handle

on a spatula to flip a sample

of a flying duck of how much I care

I wish you had of been there

to say goodbye on a flying fuck.”

The MK Beer Diet

Forget the Ahhhhh Bra, forget Bambillo. Hold your chest up high and sleep well at night - welcome into your life the MK BEER DIET.

Step 1 - Wake in the morning with your head feeling like a rock and look in your wallet or purse.
Step 2 - Assume that the amount of cash missing is directly proportional to the amount of alcohol consumed.

Step 3 - Closely inspect car for parking tickets, incurred driving damage and volume of CD player.
Step 4 - Remind self that you will never ever drink like that again.
Step 5 - Remain in bed carefully inspecting the blackspots of the night before.
Step 6 - Decide to have no breakfast due to rolling stomach.
Step 7 - Pass on lunch because your belly has become a muffin top.
Step 8 - At 3 o'clock in the afternoon resolve that you are not an alcoholic and inspect remaining contents of wallet.
Step 9 - Walk dog being careful to avoid a detour to the liquor store.
Step 10 - Return home and carefully place broken down slab into fridge.
Step 11 - Crack three cans at once and place them at strategic places throughout the house.
Step 12 - Develop simultaneous memory and loss of memory skills by losing and finding the above     mentioned cans.
Step 13 - Pass on dinner because self is too wasted to cook.
Step 14 - Justify loss of appetite by considering that your alcoholism is a reward and not a failure.
Step 15 - Turn music up to volume 11 because you are suddenly deaf.
Step 16 - Awake in the early hours of the morning wondering who drank all your beer.
Step 17 - Partake of a nightcap (for medicinal purposes only) and pass out.
Step 18 - Repeat steps 1 to 17.

Good luck.

*Please note that the above mentioned diet is recommended for professional drinkers only. It is not advisable for minors or pregnant women to undertake this program.

Jesuz Street

I can pace my whole loungeroom far and wide

searching for a drink of beer that I misplaced

looking high and look low I cannot find that witch I know.

She is here somewhere I placed

but I cannot find in my emotional disgrace

the street where I left her and my steps I cannot retrace.

I have crawled on the floor following the threads

my heart is displaced from your womb

there is no choice but to follow my soul to its tomb.

Sometimes I wish to make a platter

a spread of all your earthly delights

just something soft and juicy to get me through the night.

A jealous man I may be

but give me your love and open your heart

you may be surprised of how we managed to spend so much time apart.

Do not display your breasts in all their glory

all I want to do is abandon myself to their valley

and fall to my knees in awe of your beauty.

I have a ticket to ride and I have paid the price

for a fare on the road to paradise

yet you tease me and leave me with no choice.