Monday, March 29, 2010

I Twit Therefore I Am

"I think therefore I am".

Rene' Descartes said that.

What was that about?

Maybe Rene' was a little concerned about the justification for his existence. It didn't seem sensible to him that as a living creature he was indistinguishable from animals and amoeba purely because religious dogma dictated that he was one of God's created creatures and therefore subject to the same laws that reduced all creation to subservience.

He believed that the only difference between all other living creatures and humanity was that he had the ability to make decisions. This, and this alone separated him from the fate that awaited all descendants of the Garden of Eden.

As a man, he concluded that he was able to consider choices and make decisions based on HIS assessment and understanding of all the facts the universe presented to him. To his chagrin, he decided that HE, and he alone was responsible for his destiny and not GOD.

Flip forward almost 360 years and witness the embodiment of that ideal.

"I Twit therefore I am."

Which just begs me to ask : What is a Twit ?

And, just for the record; may I say that no Google's were harmed or accessed during this experiment - all this information is obtained from BOOKS. (remember them, the things that Ray Bradbury so highly praised in "Farenheit 451")!

To Twit................To Do...............What?

Twit is the verb of Twat.

What is a Twat?

A Twat is a word derived from the old Norse language. In its original context it conveyed an image of a forest clearing. It came to mean a cut through a swathe, as in a gash in the bush.

In fact, you wont find it in most dictionaries because it's sort of a dirty word.

A twat soon came to mean a description of the predominate female sexual organ.

And yet, an alternative meaning of the word is a reference to an idiot or imbecile.

In fact, Benny Hill often used it in his dialogues.

But I hear your say; "how can you put a reference to an imbecile as pertinent to Descartes?"

Well, I say; "purely because I can."

If you have a better reason to justify your existence, please; I wanna' know about it!

You spend so much time trying to get your message out, that you don't have time to listen to what anyone else is saying.

Face it dude. You are just one of many who post a cry in the wilderness, and all you are going to hear is an echo.

No one is really listening - you just like to think they are - you justify it by saying "I think therefore I am".

Hey man, get a life.

Do you think anyone really cares. Nup. Not me, not you, not a god, not a dog.

No one really cares about anything unless it is something they can take off you.

Rene' had already figured that out.

He was damned sure that he was going to BE.

He wasn't gonna' be 'Mister Goody Two Shoes' just so he could be nice to everyone and win friends, die happy, be placed in a pine box and get eaten by worms. Shit no! The afterlife was not the answer. He wanted to make a stand NOW. No pussyfootin' around, no countin' your eggs before they're hatched.

Goddamn, there is no afterlife!

Rene' was not not going to live in fear of the Lord. He was not going to be indoctrinated to acquiesce to a far greater being and succumb to the power of the 'almighty."

Hell no. He was a man, and proud of it! This was exactly what made him distinct from divinity.

He carried the eternal burden of Adam and Eve's fornication and as far as he was concerned - it was fun.

How dare God intervene in his madness. It was his choice. Isn't that exactly the purpose that God had placed him here for - To make decisions!

How dare God and others judge, because they claim the right to possess an ability to understand and to know the wrath of the lord.


There, I said it.

Be gone with you Beelzebub. Come into the temple and cast the money makers aside!

I dare you.


Oh Gee. I'm still waiting - where the hell are you -did you miss the train?

Thesaurus is the new God, not Google, not Geeks.

Please refer to your dictionaries -

TWIT : ass, berk, clown, divvy, halfwit, idiot, nerd, nurd, nitwit, numskull, numbskull, pillock, prat, schmuck, ,simpleton, wally, (or, as many would say: you stupid c..t).


(posted by an idiot. Bless you all. The Year of Our Lord, 2010)

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Mona Lisa - Leonardo's Enigmatic Smile

*In 1956, US psychologist Leon Festinger became instantly famous by giving us "cognitive dissonance" - the theory that humans could not tolerate two conflicting perceptions; one would have to go!

Besides the possibility that Mona was probably Leonardo's lover and the fact that she has no eyebrows, she is also possibly one hell of a bitch because she presents a problem that begs to be answered by many men: "How does she know where I am?"

May I present - The Mona Lisa. Leonardo's enigmatic smile. A work of art that challenges our perceptions.

The Mona Lisa is a portrait where the object in the art is NOT supposed to be the point of view.

Looking at her eyes as she looks at me, I notice that I cannot focus on any particular eye whilst observing them as a pair.

Her gaze is directed at me but looking past me, to somewhere beyond. Each time I look at her eyes as if to engage her in conversation, I discover that I can never be far enough away from her or close enough to her. There seems not to be a place where her focal point meets my attention.

In fact, her gaze makes me feel uneasy.

It is not the uncomfortable feeling left by her knowing, cheeky smile and the false comfort it leaves, but the discomfort I feel because I am unable to focus on her gaze.

I keep flicking my eyes back and forth between her eyes as if trying to get her attention.

So I decide that the portrait delivers its message in two ways and for two different reasons. I am overwhelmed by the physical challenge and compromised by the mental perception of reality presented to me by her gaze.

Whilst watching her face I am almost hypnotized to dream, because my attention will never hold while I am so busy trying to get her attention. That is what is so enigmatic. The painting attracts me because I keep trying to get HER attention instead of giving her MINE.

To actually look at her face I need to try to locate the viewing triangle of body language - the familiar habit of looking at a person's face during conversation, that is, the inverted facial pyramid of eyes-nose-mouth.

But then I notice the unreality of the situation. I am trying to engage in dialogue with this woman and I am not able to get her attention. Does not this seem a strange way to look at a painting?

Yes it is, and that is exactly why Leonardo painted it like that - to compromise your sensibilities.

As I look at the portrait, I keep trying to get her attention, but the way she gazes back at me makes my eyeballs flick left and right as I constantly try to make eye contact.

By merely observing the portrait, I am drawn into a semi-conscious spiral of awareness that flips me back and forth between EMOTION and REACTION, and that demanding mental exercise continually threatens to break my concentration.

Which of course, begs the question. How did Leonardo paint the eyes to send such a powerful message?

The answer lies within the realm of geometry!

Here is how he did it!

The pair of eyes is actually composed of two pair of eyes. Each eye is seen as one of a pair, but not belonging to the pair in the painting. They belong to TWO pair of eyes but they do not belong with each other.

The portrait is painted as if the model posed twice, on each occasion looking in the same direction but with a different point of focus. It is as if she first looks at Leonardo and then focuses on a point just short of him, and then switches her gaze to focus on a point just past him.

The artist then composes the face as a left/right montage of the eyes.

The eyes seem to look in my direction but also seem to look neither beyond me or before me. The instant I try to discover how she is looking at me, my attention is diverted as I try to look for her point of view and and ask of just where or what is her focus.

I begin to feel that she is not quite looking at me and I become worried as to why I cannot seem to get her attention. In fact, the portrait has got my attention because the observer becomes the observed. It is the paradox of this point of view that my mind tries to reconcile.

It is impossible for me to be physically far enough from, or close enough to the portrait to be in a position to look at the focus in her pair of eyes.

The enigmatic smile is a puzzle, a conundrum. The perfect cognitive dissonance.

It confuses my perceptions and it prompts me to ask myself where I must be positioned to actually be within the focal distance of her gaze at the moment she sees me.

The question of the puzzle is to consider 'points of view' as perceived by the artist:

* The eyes seem to follow me because each of them is looking elsewhere.

* The difficulty of perception is that I cannot look at her or into her eyes as I would a live person and that she is purposely depicted in this manner.

* The observer must keep moving, physically and mentally, to or from the picture in order to meet her gaze (is she looking 'this' way or 'that' way)?

The method to solving the puzzle is:

* The observer must find the POSITION of the ARTIST as he was when he painted. That is, the exact place he was when he caught her focus.

The answer to the puzzle is another question:

* How far away from the picture hanging on the wall do I have to be to catch the gaze of both eyes simultaneously?

That is why the portrait is so small - Leonardo is observing HER catch HIS attention from a great distance.

The observer is me. I am the point of view and Mona Lisa is asking where I am!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Why are you wearing a seatbelt ?

Why are you wearing a seatbelt ?

Because you're scared.

Why are you scared ?

I don't know, but you probably have your own reasons.

Well that's very fine, but really, please ask yourself, why are you scared ?

Are you scared of dying...........I certainly hope not !

Are you scared of living...........I certainly hope not !

So, what choice do you have ?

I don't have any choice, because the reasons to choose have been taken from me.

And the reason is ?...........I'm scared !

Good, that's a cool reason to be scared but what are you really scared of ?

Gee, I'm not sorta too sure ? - but I think it's something to do with the way I was bought up.

Excuse me ?

You say............bought up !

Are you saying you really mean to say that you were "bought"; does that mean you were "bought" here? and someone payed the price ?

Are you sure you were "bought" and not "brought".

There is a difference between being owned and being yourself.

Let's face the reality of the situation - go on, own up, you only know the reality of your own situation, no one else does !

What the fuck else did you expect ?

You are scared.

You are scared because you are trying to adhere to the rules.

What rules ? I hear you say !

The rules you accepted because you let other people make rules for you.

You wear a seat belt only because you are scared of your life !

It is synonymous with allegiance and ownership.

But excuse me, I'm a little concerned about being owned, can you explain that ?

Yes. What ever happened to you ?

Do you really have any choices ?

Hey dude, you didn't even have a choice to be here.

You're just some sperm that got lucky and got fertilized. So what makes you think you are so important ? You coulda' been some dried up bit of creamy white shit on a blanket !

Hell, get a life !

And may I ask what makes you feel important ?

Well, I seem to think that I matter because I have kids, but I really can't justify it more than that.

Wot ! Is that all ?

Yeah, sure, having kids is great. I can pass on my knowledge into the future and ensure a better future for mankind.

Wake up and smell the roses dude.

You were owned.

Face it. Someone fucked you over and you think that the best way to protect yourself is to play by the rules and pass on your survival instincts to the next generation.

Get a life ! Yep. YOUR life. It's to late when you're in a box. Wot you gonna' do - send Morse code!

It's too fucken' late then !

Do something now !


The rules are only made by idiots to protect the idiots because the rule makers believe that it is not safe for you to be an idiot on your own.

Safety in numbers dude.

Come on and face it. When did the rule makers ever do anything for you ?

All they ever did was prey upon your insecurities.

And you, in your confusion, decided the rest was the best !

Woops, come on dude. You been thinkin' like them, not you.

A democracy starts from a few, not many !

You wanna roll over and play dead ?

You already are.

It's too late too stop now - unless you don't wanna' wear a seat belt.

Choices, wow !

Shouldn't that not that be what you wanted to teach your kids ? !

Just because they didn't listen, does that mean that you should stop now !

*Please wear a seat-belt and feel relaxed.

Someone is lookin' out for you and hoping you don't make a great big claim against a great big idiot who was stupid enough to bend the rules.

*Democracy protects the innocents and favours the rich.

Whose side do you want to be on ?

Or are you sure you want to take sides ?

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Governmentium - A new Element

A newly discovered element is soon to added to the Periodic Table:

Medicare Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has 1 neutron, 1 assistant neutron, 58 opposing neutrons, and 60 deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 120.

These 120 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take between 4 days and 3 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years. It does not decay, but instead it undergoes a re-organization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quality is referred to as "critical morass".

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administration (Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. This whole process is used to keep the populace in a state of disbelief and constant bewilderment.

(* with thanks to an anonymous contributor - Greenduck)