A newly discovered element is soon to added to the Periodic Table:
Medicare Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has 1 neutron, 1 assistant neutron, 58 opposing neutrons, and 60 deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 120.
These 120 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take between 4 days and 3 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years. It does not decay, but instead it undergoes a re-organization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quality is referred to as "critical morass".
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administration (Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. This whole process is used to keep the populace in a state of disbelief and constant bewilderment.
(* with thanks to an anonymous contributor - Greenduck)
